May 22 - Ezra 4-7: Committed

I've had a sore throat for the last two days, and by yesterday morning, it hurt enough that I was concerned that I may have gotten strep again. So I went to the doctor. The test was negative, thankfully, and I was told to treat the symptoms because it's probably a virus.

Later that morning I was out running errands, and Claire (my almost-three-year-old) asked if I was feeling better. I told her, "No, my throat still hurts." To which she says, "Do you need to go back to the doctor?" I replied, "No, the doctor can't help me. Only God can heal my throat."

And immediately, the lightbulb went on in my head. I heard that little voice go, "Really, Cici?!??"

Would you believe that until I heard my words with my own ears that God hadn't been a factor in my thinking at all? It didn't even cross my mind to ask God about any of it, and I didn't pray about it - feeling bad, going to the doctor, medicine to take - nada, zippo, nothing. Up to that very moment, my faith had been only in doctors and medicine. My ungodliness had been on full display.

Almost daily, God uses my children to expose my sin, in ways that often surprise me. And today was one of those days. My sinful, self-reliant, independent side subtly took over and I was caught unaware. So much for being alert and vigilant, huh?

Lord, have mercy.

Can I really be shocked at the behavior of the kings of Judah and the People of Israel, ignoring God and trusting only what they can see? And you'd think that the recent example of King Asa (2 Chronicles 16:12) would be ringing in my ears. What a short memory I have. Sigh.

And then I get to this reading in Ezra:

Ezra had committed himself to studying the Revelation of God, to living it, and to teaching Israel to live its truths and ways. (7:10)

While I'm not a priest and scholar or an expert in matters involving the truths and ways of God like Ezra (7:11), I can certainly commit myself to the same things, in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Part of the reason for this blog was to get into God's Word everyday and to provide some accountability for myself to go deeper. Another factor was that I know that every one of my relationships is significantly better when I'm living it, when I'm seeking God first, when I have my priorities straight. Especially my relationship with the Lord.

And I have two little girls watching every move I make, every attitude I display, and every word coming out of my mouth. I want to live firmly in God's truth, regardless of circumstances, and to teach God's ways to my daughters, my most important disciples.

So when God convicted me of my sin while driving, I immediately turned off the music and asked my girls to pray with me. "Lord, please forgive me. I confess my self-reliance and going my own way in my own power. I know that You're the only One who heals. It's not doctors or medicine. It's You, Lord, and I'm asking you to heal my sore throat."

And I heard my sweet girl say, "Amen! I hope you feel better soon, Mommy." Gee, thanks.

"But your worst enemy is in you. And I don't mean the devil...You underestimate the obstacle your unholiness presents that I must overcome before you can life the life I want you to live." 66 LL, pg. 25, 58

It's another day and another book of the Bible in which I am convicted of my unholiness. While I'm light-years from perfection, I am encouraged by the complete relevance of God's Revelation and by how much God is doing in my heart as I seek Him. Life is still messy, but I see more glimpses of that sea of joy (6:22).

Thank you, Lord, for the conviction of sin (even through children), for continuing to reveal Your heart to me, for drawing me near in my weakness and failures, and for the ability to repent and recommit my ways to You. I love you!