July 30 - 2 Corinthians 2: Unpacked

Recent experiences unintentionally brought forward some past hurts, painful incidents, and deep disappointments that were no longer setting in prominent places in my life, but now are unpacked and requiring something from me. However, as Sara Groves sings, "the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned" and I'm feeling that way about these unpleasant remembrances. They are in front of me and I can't put them away into the same places that previously held them.

I'm not looking to sweep them under a rug and move on in denial. I do want God to show me how they fit into what He is working in me now. But, this kind of examination requires more work, leaning, time, quiet, and space than denial does. And certainly more than pithy sayings or Christian cliches that try to wrap it up in a nice, neat, explainable package.

The beginning of Paul's second letter to the Corinthians feels similar. He's wanting to deal with the misunderstanding and pain in front of him and the Corinthian church. His words are not dwelling on the wrongs through blaming, nor is He seeking to cause pain in their lives (v. 4). His hope is to move the church forward in health (v. 9). Paul was re-visiting these painful issues in the church because he cared for them and more than that, he loved them (v. 4).

I can trust that God has disrupted me for the same reason, only He has brought my pain forward in perfect love not imperfect, human love. A perfect love that desires true health in my spiritual life, my marriage, my family, my community, and my church. Perfect love that releases me from fear and into "pouring on the love" to others (v. 8).

So, this morning, as I sit with my scars visibly in front of me, this God of love speaks to me through another one of His letters:

God, my God, I yelled for help
      and you put me together.
   God, you pulled me out of the grave,
      gave me another chance at life
      when I was down-and-out. 

 All you saints! Sing your hearts out to God!
      Thank him to his face!
   He gets angry once in a while, but across
      a lifetime there is only love.
   The nights of crying your eyes out
      give way to days of laughter. 

 When things were going great
      I crowed, "I've got it made.
   I'm God's favorite.
      He made me king of the mountain."
   Then you looked the other way
      and I fell to pieces. 

 I called out to you, God;
      I laid my case before you:
   "Can you sell me for a profit when I'm dead?
      auction me off at a cemetery yard sale?
   When I'm 'dust to dust' my songs
      and stories of you won't sell.
   So listen! and be kind!
      Help me out of this!" 

You did it: you changed wild lament 
      into whirling dance; 
   You ripped off my black mourning band 
      and decked me with wildflowers. 
   I'm about to burst with song; 
      I can't keep quiet about you. 
   God, my God, 
      I can't thank you enough.  (Psalm 30) 

I'm not whirling with dance ... yet. But I can thank God for this lifetime of love that He has lavished on me and trust His love in the midst of His disruption of the places where I had put away my pain.