Over the past two years on the adoption journey, I assumed I knew what life would look like at this point, at least to a degree. I couldn't have been more wrong.
And now it feels like we're adrift at sea, with no land in sight. Even as I type that, it feels a little melodramatic because I know have an anchor for my soul, regardless of how I feel right now. (Hebrews 6:19)
Today, I'm especially grateful for the hope in Jesus' words to Thomas:
Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing. (20:29)
Lord, I don't see. I'm don't understand this path You have us on. As I wrestle with the pain and uncertainty, and try to learn how to grieve my loss, all I can do is trust that You love me and that You are good.
"Do you also want to leave?"
Peter replied, "Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We've already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God." (6:67-69)
Yes, Lord, I believe without seeing. Help me in my unbelief.
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As I ended a year-long study on the book of Revelation today, the following verses spoke to me:
So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!"
But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:25, 29 NIV)
Revelation describes people living in the end times who actually DO see God, or atleast, His power, up close and personal. His judgment, with hailstones the size of boulders, mountains and stars falling into the sea, prophets rising from the dead before their very eyes, yet still, they REFUSE to repent and believe God.
While this is very disturbing, especially thinking of family members and friends who I know that have refused to believe God, there is another part of me that finds comfort, oddly. Not because of those who choose to refuse to believe. But for the reminder that even faith, is a GIFT from God. There are so many times in my life that I have refused to believe in the moment, but deep down, I am SO thankful that I believe, ultimately, He is true, He is my source of strength and my Lord.
I relate to Thomas, who wants to see before believing. But I am thankful for the reminder that even for some who have seen, they refuse to believe. So seeing isn't everything. It is ultimately our hearts that need to be changed so that we can believe. And praise God that He is gracious to do that in our hearts and open our eyes to see!
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