There's a part of me that, in a small way, identifies with Jesus here - feeling forsaken, discredited, misunderstood - even when my intentions were good. We've all had moments in our lives like this, wondering if anyone cares to look beyond where we've come from or beyond what we do or beyond the misconceptions to see who we really are and accept us simply because we are. When I get to this point, the internal desperation for some form of affirmation begins seeping into how I relate, how I perceive others' actions towards me, and what I read into others' words. My neediness seems to be unquenchable and nothing anyone does satisfies. Which is as it should be.
'If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way, just as Scripture says.' (7:37-38)This morning at a Moms in Prayer time for our kids and schools, we prayed some of those Scriptures that Jesus was referring to and that He was experiencing in John 7. I wonder if these words were going through His head as He stood alone in the midst of His family and the crowd,
I'm overwhelmed with sorrow! sunk in a swamp of despair!...
Don't trust your neighbor, don't confide in your friend. Watch your words, even with your spouse. Neighborhood and families are falling to pieces. The closer they are - sons, daughters, in-laws - the worse they can be. Your own family is the enemy.
But me, I'm not giving up. I'm sticking around to see what God will do. I'm waiting for God to make things right. I'm counting on God to listen to me. Don't, enemy, crow over me. I'm down, but I'm not out. I'm sitting in the dark right now, but God is my light. I can take God's punishing rage. I deserve it - I sinned. But it's not forever, He's on my side and is going to get me out of this. He'll turn on the lights and show me his ways. I'll see the whole picture and how right He is. (Micah 7:1, 5-9)
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The issue of God's timing stood out to me in this passage today, specifically, these verses:
Jesus came back at them, "Don't crowd me. This isn't my time. It's your time-it's always your time; you have nothing to lose.
They were looking for a way to arrest him, but not a hand was laid on him because it wasn't yet God's time. (John 7:4-6, 18, 30 MSG)
I attended a book club last night and we were discussing how to be thankful, even in the midst of tragedy. What a difficult concept. Something spoke to me from these verses regarding that issue.
Perhaps, when we recognize that God has a time for everything, that He is completley sovereign and in control and we trust His plan and His timing, we can be thankful, even in tragedy. Not FOR the tragedy, but because we know that despite the tragedy, God is in control and that He is good and trustworthy.
God had a timing for His very own Son to die on the cross. It would not happen before He allowed it. How much more so might He be in control of our children's lives, our spouse's lives, our own lives?
Lord, please help me to trust Your timing and surrender my demand for understanding Your plan.
It's so real, the "internal desperation" for affirmation and satisfaction and how easily I run to other things for this because I don't seek God for them. Because I don't simply go to Him. Then I end up more lonely than ever, more desperate, more empty because all other things/people will fall short and disappoint. My neediness changes who I am and I don't want to be a needy person from others. I want to be needy before my God alone, the only One who can truly satisfy me. Praying that He would be my true satisfier and I would stand firm in His affirmation, His expression of His love and acceptance of me just as I am. Praying His satisfaction of my thirst moment by moment would change me continually. Praying that He would help me to go to Him in faith believing He TRULY is my complete satisfier.
My neediness seems to be unquenchable and nothing anyone does satisfies. Which is as it should be.
'If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way, just as Scripture says.' (7:37-38) Loved this reminder.
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