[Jesus] was there all night in prayer before God. The next day he summoned his disciples; from them he selected twelve he designated as apostles:
Simon, whom he named Peter,On first reading, this section didn't stand out to me. I was focused on the rest of the chapter, which is chock-full of great stuff.
Andrew, his brother,
James,
John,
Philip,
Bartholomew,
Matthew,
Thomas,
James, son of Alphaeus,
Simon, called the Zealot,
Judas, son of James,
Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him. (6:12-16)
One reason for overlooking this section is that it's rather familiar to me. I have been trained, and have trained others, in the art of disciple-making. This text is one I've often pointed to as an example of how to select disciples - taking the decision before the Lord in diligent prayer and trusting God to identify those to take on as disciples. But the Holy Spirit revealed something to me that I've never really contemplated.
Here is Jesus - fully God and fully man - praying all night to God the Father - all-knowing and all-powerful - about the twelve men upon whom the future of the church would rest. Clearly, this was one of the most important decisions Jesus made, and His actions demonstrate that He understood the weight of it. And still, in His infinite wisdom, He chose Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him.
On the surface, it seems like a bad decision, a mistake. But from this side of the cross, we know that Judas played a critical role in the drama that ultimately led to the redemption of the world. Jesus, and God the Father, knew that all along.
This story is such a contrast to how I often think about circumstances in my life. When I'm convinced that God has led me in a particular direction, I'm surprised when things don't work out according to (my) plan. I mean, I PRAYED ABOUT IT! Hello?!? I second-guess myself and question whether I actually heard from God. "Maybe I just thought it was God." "Maybe I heard Him incorrectly."
Or - novel concept - maybe this was what God had intended all along. Hmmm.
This adoption process has rocked my nice little view of how God works. (You know the one - I obey and He delivers.) I know God called us to adopt from Rwanda. As much as I know anything, I am confident that we didn't make this up. But nothing seems to be working out. It's been very confusing, emotional, and stressful as we hit roadblock after roadblock. Why would this be happening if God has called us to this? Is it spiritual battle, and we just need to persevere?
Only recently have I begun to contemplate that perhaps this was God's plan all along. No, we're not throwing in the towel, but I'm beginning to wrestle with the thought that we truly may end this journey without another child. And that it may be God's plan for us, even though I assumed differently. Maybe there were things we needed to learn and experience, and this was the vehicle that God chose for us. I really don't know. I can't see the whole picture, the Grand Plan, as the Lord does.
After seeing this example of Jesus again, I'm more convinced than ever that my part is to know God's voice and obey what I hear. I am to live with a trusting heart of expectancy that God will work rather than with expectations of how He must work. It's a subtle but important difference. No demands. Just faith in my loving Father who knows the plans He has for me. (Jeremiah 29:11)
2 comments:
Wow. I'm amazed you can say this, Cici, because to be honest...I'd be questionnning God and wondering if I'd heard wrong as well. Yet you've reminded me that if we truly believe God is sovereign...He works EVERYTHING out according to His good purpose.
The Judas example stuck out to me, as well. What man intended for evil, God intended for good...the redemption of mankind!!!
My heart is heavy today for some reason. Maybe it's the rainy, dreary weather, who knows. But I just went to lunch with a few old co-workers and am reminded of some of the worldly desires we fall prey to. Idolatry to our bodies, to careers, to approval of others, to success, to being good parents...whatever it is, it is idolatry when "a good thing becomes a God thing."
Lord, I want more of YOU. I don't want to come to You, like many of the people in the crowds did to Jesus so that they could just be physically healed of their ailments. I want total and complete healing. And my heart breaks for this world. I see the brokenness, I experience in my own life and the life of those around me.
But the way of the cross shows that we experience a brokeness of our own...we don't have to "fix" things...because that's often what we're doing when we bow down to idols...replacing God with something we feel gives us a sense of control...instead, I want to let you fix me and through me, through Your gracious love, be a part of your bigger plan to fix others, to point others to the one true Healer.
Cici, this post touched me so much. Thank you for sharing honestly your heart and being so real. I don't find genuine real people who are willing to really share their lives that much. You know? Especially on blogs. You encourage me to share my life with others too. And ask God to search my heart to be real.
I never thought i could hear so much from the disciples names, how Jesus prayed for them and how even one betrayed him. But so moved by how I often pray pray pray for things and then ask God why they are turning out the way they are. It is God's plan all along. He uses everything for the good of those who love Him. Clinging to this challenge to trust God in all things and as I pray to truly continually surrender my life and prayers without trying to reign them back into my control. Praying that I would really have open hands, not live by my emotions or listen to the lies that Satan is trying to fill me with- but to pursue His Word and His truth and JOY. I come back to His 1st command to us- Love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. And beg my God for help.
Thanks sisters. His living Word is really life changing and so is vulnerable community. You bless me.
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