May 24 - Nehemiah 1-3: A Great Work

"Whatever anyone does out of a sincere desire to know Me and draw others to Me is a great work. And as you engage in that work, sometimes you will be energized as you catch a glimpse of My plan unfolding. More often you won't. Either way you are doing a great work...I see it all. And I am pleased." 66 LL''

I needed to hear that today.

Life with small children feels monotonous and limiting to someone like me who craves interesting assignments, change, and adventure. I think I may be in the wrong line of work! The routine, the repetitive correction, the endless feeding of my little people, and the 24/7 nature of the job wears on me. Most often it doesn't feel like a great work. To me, motherhood feels like 100% blessing and 100% sacrifice everyday. (And of course, I feel guilty even writing this because I adore my children and wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world...)

I had a little mini-crisis in my heart and mind yesterday, wondering if I'm a big fraud. I was still so appalled by my sin and ungodliness (see May 22 post) that I had really begun to wonder if I'm all talk. Is my walk with the Lord even authentic, or is it all just a performance?? Am I deceived?? Isn't that the nature of deception, that you don't know it??  I mean, how could I so easily forget what I've been reading and writing about all these months?? Ugh.

And then I sat down to read Nehemiah, and God spoke to me.

Yes, I had sinned, but He assured me of His love and forgiveness and helped me move past the condemnation I was wallowing in. (Romans 8:1) God reminded me that He wires everyone differently and gives each person a unique calling. And He helped me see that He has called me to this great work now, and He will give me everything I need in this season.

"Nehemiah knew he was called to a great work when he heard that My plan was not going forward among my people and when he realized how deeply that troubled him. He couldn't get over it." 66 LL

They told me, "The exile survivors who are left there in the province are in bad shape. Conditions are appalling. The wall of Jerusalem is still rubble; the city gates are still cinders." When I heard this, I sat down and wept. I mourned for days, fasting and praying before the God-of-Heaven. (1:3-4)

God has used Nehemiah and Larry Crabb to spur me on, even when the job I've been given doesn't feel like a natural fit. I'm realizing that motherhood is less about raising children and much more about what God's doing in me - or so it seems.

And I laugh out loud when I think of God's plan (and sense of humor) that, in the midst of my struggles with motherhood, God has given Harry and me another great work. The Lord has wrecked both of our hearts for orphans, and we just can't get over it. We can't wait to get our arms around our little girl in Rwanda. Soon, we hope.

So, what great work has God been putting on your heart, or are you already doing? What causes you to weep and mourn, fast and pray before the God-of-Heaven? What can't you get over?

"What stirs you most deeply? Is it advancing your plan for your life or My plan for My world? Is it closing the deal or revealing the character of My Son as you negotiate? Is it finding a way to get your spouse to understand how abandoned you feel or revealing the character of My Son as you deal with your troubled marriage?

Whatever is done to know Me and make Me known, to advance My purpose, is a great work. And I will use every great work done by My people, no matter how small it seems, to further My great plan." 66 LL