November 28 - Jude: Unbearable Ache

Those improved responses seem to have disappeared. It hasn't been a stellar day. I realize that I've been living mostly in my circumstances, feeling very behind on a number of things.

I even yelled at one of my girls while we were working on our Jesse Tree ornaments. Yeah, she wasn't doing it "right." {Deep breath.} All three of us ended up in tears. I was so discouraged and filled with shame that it was hard to even come to the Lord, knowing how ridiculous I was. I asked their forgiveness, but throughout the rest of the day, I kept pretending that everything was fine, when I knew it wasn't.

Be tender with sinners, but not soft on sin. (v. 22)

After some reflection, I'm beginning to think this could be a hangover from my chaotic emotions last week. I have a pattern of displacing my anger, and I'm wondering if today's circumstances were just my excuse for venting last week's pressure. Regardless, it certainly feels like a major step backwards. Oh man, I desperately need Jesus.

But you, dear friends, carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, staying right at the center of God's love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ. This is the unending life, the real life! (v. 20-21)

"My power is sufficient to keep you from falling off the narrow road. But on that road you will feel, more acutely sometimes than others, the unbearable ache of repeated failure to love, of always falling short of My glory... 

"Don't be surprised by your failure. Be surprised, staggered by My response. Only in worship will you keep yourself in My love. Only in brokenness will you know My power to keep you from falling...As you feel the unbearable ache of failing and being failed, I am able - if in brokenness you worship - to keep you persevering on the only road that will bring you into My Presence, full of joy and ready to dance... 

"[Y]our failure provides you the opportunity to, once again, look bad in the presence of love, to celebrate the love you taste from others but fully enjoy only from Me. That's the gospel. That's My story. Contend for it with all your might [v. 3]." 66 LL

Standing with arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of my Master, Jesus Christ...this ache is unbearable.