"Father, I fall short of Your standard of love in every other sentence I speak, in nearly every thought I think, and in most choices I make every day. Everything is so about me. And yet you've written me all these love letters because Your plan for me is to actually live a life of love, of love as You define it." (66LL)
This confession rings true in my ears. I'm constantly falling short and stopping short of the life of love that Paul tells me to go after "as if your life depended on it" (14:1). I especially became aware of my self-orientation yesterday when I was volunteering with refugee women. I was performing a menial task, that anybody could do, and next to me were two volunteers using their specific skill sets in work that would be recognized and have visible results. Why did this bother me? Certainly not because I was pursuing love of the women around me. I was groveling in jealousy and comparison. And in the midst of that, even more situations began playing in my head of ways I've recently served others in low, unnoticed circumstances. The pity party had begun.
Silently, I cried out to God, "I don't want to be in this ugly place in my heart." In a moment, without another word or thought or hesitation in my work, His Spirit lifted my eyes to the work He had placed in front of me. He assured me of the extreme value He places on me because of His Son. He shut the door on the pity party and turned my focus to pleasing Him alone - not anyone else and not myself - to pursue a life love right there. Imperfect, hidden, messy love.
Paul concludes this detailed, instructional letter to the Corinthians with a bottomline kind of statement that speaks directly to my struggling soul,
Keep your eyes open,
hold tight to your convictions,
give it all you've got, be resolute,
and love without stopping. (16:3-4)
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