June 21 - Romans 7: War Rages Within

I feel like Paul today. It's humbling, frustrating, and embarrassingly predictable.

I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. 

It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. (7:18-23)

Let's just say that sin has had a field day with me. I have even surprised myself a few times today with my behavior and attitude. Ugh.

And while I'm struggling to find God's grace and peace in the midst of failure and shame, my sinful pride (in wanting to hide my behavior) and condemnation (for being such a poor example to my impressionable children) are winning at the moment.

"We live in a constant state of conflict. A fight rages within us. We determine to give up all those words and actions that promote our selfish desires. We get up in the morning, mount a white charger, set our lance, and gallop out into the world to live as our Lord's knight. But before the day is half over, something halts our knightly quest - not some enemy from without but an enemy from within. We set out to love our friends, and suddenly we discover ourselves using them for our own gain. We set out to practice forgiveness, and suddenly we catch ourselves plotting revenge. Despite our resolution to obey the commandments, we disobey them. A war rages within us, and and at times it seems a losing battle. Is there no one to help us? we wonder. Or are we left alone to fight this battle ourselves?" Eugene Peterson, Conversations, pg. 1749

Thankfully, we don't have to wait for the answer. We know The Answer.

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. (7:25)

Thank You, Lord, for the beauty of the Gospel and for the truth of Your Word. I needed the reminder today that this is a war, and I can only fight to win in Your power. Left to myself, the deceitfulness of sin and the cunning of the enemy overwhelm me.

...for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world. (1 John 4:4)