Ask and you'll get; seek and you'll find; knock and the door will open. (11:9)I don't know how many times I have prayed that verse, believing it was a trigger for God to release whatever I was praying for. I know God doesn't operate in a linear fashion - pray with the right verse for the right things and with the right motives and then He produces. I know that His answers are not on my timetable and often not even in my realm of possibilities. But, right now, in spite of what I know, this verse is irritating to me.
Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girls asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? As bad as you are, you wouldn't thinking of such a thing - you're at least decent to your own children. And don't you think the Father who conceived you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him? (11:10-13)My needs overwhelm me at times. And I don't mean perceived needs that are really just disguised wants. I mean actual, real financial, emotional and spiritual needs. I've been direct with God about these, albeit whiney at times, but I think I'm questioning if God has given me a spider or worse, just hasn't noticed that I am asking.
I am sitting in this pit of despair that I have personally dug. As I wallow, God, You are reminding me that as bad as I am, I would go to 7 stores in 2 hours to find a modest, affordable, and fashionable homecoming dress for my daughter. (And then return to 3 of those stores the next day to take back the dresses that didn't work.) I wonder, would you do that for me, God? As bad as I am, I'll stay up late tutoring Algebra 2, or editing an English paper or hemming an orchestra uniform. Would you do that for me, God? As bad as I am, I engage in conversations with my kids at their level, about their interests, digging to get to the core issues, at times that are highly inconvenient for me. Would you do that for me, God?
Even though I don't feel it at this moment, I know that His answer to my question is "Yes", over and over. Yes, He did that and eternally more for me through the death of Christ. Yes, He is doing that for me and way beyond what I can ask or imagine through His Holy Spirit now. Yes, He will do that for me and exceedingly, abundantly more because of who He is - my Father, my Daddy.
3 comments:
If this were written on paper, I'd want dibs on the chocolate icing.
This isn't a cat-and-mouse game. But sometimes it feels like it to me. I hear you when you talk about how God isn't necessarily linear in answering prayers because we've jumped through the right hoops at the right time. But, oh, how good I am at jumping through hoops.
I have my list of real, heart-filled desires and requests. I have a wounded heart. I have actual needs. And I have a loving God who sees, hears, knows and cares.
I just wish I believed that in my heart and let that belief spill into my everyday, living-and-breathing life, so that as I walk down the street my anxious heart finds a home in God's comforting Presence. So that as I sit on the train my restless mind turns to things that are lovely, noble and excellent and dwells on those things rather than rehashing conversations and reimagining my reality.
Lord have mercy, Lord be kind. May I surrender my heart and mind to You. Again.
Amen Staci and Sarah.
I want to feel God's hands around me, in my hand. Just holding me and caring. I want to see Him next to me.
Why can I not look at the cross and see this?
Help me to see Your love, to know it, to feel it, to hear Your songs, to see Your delight in me. Lord, after all You've already done for me, could I ask You to just let me know You're here right now, caring for me, watching out for me and by my side? Needing You. Be even more real to me, today, my Dad, my best friend, my Savior, my perfect lover.
Love your huge heart for Him, Stace.
Where are the people today preaching repenetance? Seems like they want to scratch where I itch, tickle my ears, to give me nuggets of wisdom on how to really live. More than anything I want to know what it truly means to repent of my wicked ways, Italian cream cake icing on my paper.
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