"Blindness into your own inner world gives you a false confidence that you are seeing clearly into another's faults. You can only discern another's failures accurately and with holy love when you first discern and more severely judge your own. Without Spirit-revealed self-awareness, what you assume is righteous discernment of another's wrongs is in fact proud judgment, which you are not qualified to exercise." 66 LLOuch. This one hits me where I am today.
I'm heartbroken by someone in my life who has a habit of twisting Scripture to justify and excuse her sinful attitudes and responses. She over-spiritualizes her sin, ignores reality, and reacts badly to anyone who disagrees with her distorted view of the world. It's been a pattern in her life, and her blindness has hurt and annoyed me for years.
With that on my mind, I begin to read Ezekiel. Let's just say there appears to be no let-down in conviction from this prophet either. Sigh.
God's Spirit is showing me how blind I've been as well. I have felt (and acted) superior to her. I have sat in proud judgment of all of her wrongs. I have felt like a (mostly) innocent victim of her sin. I have been angered by the impact her sin has had on those close to me, and I have been thoroughly embarrassed by her treatment of others.
Like Crabb, I see her faults much more easily than I see mine. I remember the countless times that she's hurt me and others. I'm afraid I've given up hope that don't she'll ever change, even though she knows the Lord. She is and has been the most difficult person for me to love.
Yet even with all of my justification here, God makes it clear that my inability to love her is the bigger problem:
"Only when you are so grieved by the raw evil of your ongoing self-obsession that My glory overwhelms you with desire to love like My Son will you deeply change. Only then will the incomparable beauty of His character become visible in the way you relate." 66 LLI can't say I'm there yet. I can't honestly say that I'm "so grieved by the raw evil of my ongoing self-obsession." But these past two years have been a process of stripping my illusions about myself and my motives. At times, it's been shocking to realize all that God sees in my dark little heart, stuff that I wasn't even aware was there.
But mostly, it's been cathartic to name my sin and repent of it, even my sin in this relationship with her. It's drawn me closer to my God. I've understood more about His love for me. It's made me so much more grateful for His sacrifice for me because I'm more aware of how spiritually bankrupt I am apart from Him.
As I've been wrestling with God on this subject today, something Ezekiel said in these chapters reminded me (again) of what will transform my mind and heart and will enable me to love her and others as Christ loves me:
"Only take care, son of man, that you don't rebel like these rebels. Open your mouth and eat what I give you." (2:8)
He told me, "Son of man, eat what you see. Eat this book...Son of man, eat this book that I am giving you. Make a full meal of it!" So I ate it. It tasted so good - just like honey. (3:1-3)
Then he said, "Son of man, get all these words that I'm giving you inside you. Listen to them obediently. Make them your own." (3:10)Lord, Your Word is life-giving truth. It is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. By continually submitting my thoughts, attitudes, and actions to You, Lord, You'll conform me to the image of Your Son. I can't change anyone; I can't even change myself. Only Your Spirit at work within me can make me more like Christ.
Thank You for the gift of Your Word. I pray that I will eat this book, that Your words will become part of me, that Your words will get inside of me. I want to make them my own, Lord, and to listen to them obediently. May I not twist Your words to suit myself. I pray that You will give me Spirit-revealed self-awareness and righteous discernment.
God means what he says. What he says goes. His powerful Word is sharp as a surgeon's scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God's Word. We can't get away from it - no matter what. Hebrews 4:12
3 comments:
Eugene Peterson wrote a book with this same title, "Eat this Book". It's just in reading Ezekiel that I realized where he got the title! (Yes, a little slow on the uptake.)
Here's a great quote from the introduction to his book,
"The challenge - never negligible - regarding the Christian scriptures is getting them read, but read on their own terms, as God's revelation....What is neglected is reading the Scriptures formatively, reading in order to live."
As God continues to take me on this journey of seeing my sin and His goodness and love and forgiveness. Looking at my sin but ten times more at His grace for ME, i'm overwhelmed daily by how undeserving I am of His love.
But today, especially, top of mind/heart is the darkness around me and the brokenness and the lack of freedom and just being called to reflect His light in the midst of it. I keep reading... whether or not they listen is not up to you, just speak my message. and I am challenged to be courageous and bold and live and walk by faith. Even when times like now, im honestly fearful and in question of how much faith I have.
Then im reminded of how even with faith the size of a mustard seed, anything is possible. My God is huge. And sovereign. So today, i transfer my faith to speak His message that Hes entrusted to us into this darkness. and lost empty hearts around us. praying and praying and praying. please pray with me. thanks :)
thankful for todays reading!
Praying for you too, Christina!
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