"What was happening in the temple [in Ezekiel 8] is a picture of what is going on in every human heart, including yours." (66LL)Yes, I feel that and I see that, at least to some extent. I'd like to think that what's going on in my heart isn't as bad as the Israelites - I'm not worshipping Egyptian gods and goddesses nor weeping for a fertility god nor bowing to the sun - but what's going on in my heart is just as ugly and certainly as offensive to God. Crabb communicates well about what I need to open my eyes to see from the four "obscenities" in Ezekiel 8:
"First...stood the idol of jealousy (8:3-6)....It is your desire to feel loved, to enjoy good relationships, to be affirmed, to see yourself as worthy of respect and entitled to a pleasant life.
"Second, on the walls of the temple were engravings of reptiles, insects, wolves (8:7-13). And the leaders of My people were gazing on these life-taking creatures with appreciation. When you, in the secret place of your heart, want something more than My pleasure, the power of your flesh is turned loose in the way you relate. The serpent of self-interest, the insect of self-obsession, the wolf of self-protection sink their poison into your conversations with friends.
"Third, again by the north gate, women were mourning the death of Tammuz, the Babylonian god of fertiliy, the god who promised the good life of blessings (8:14-15). When you value anything above Me, when self-interest rules your life, you feel only your desires for what is available in this world: good health, warm relationships, fulfilling works; and you assume it is My job and delight to satisfy those desires. There is a Tammuz in your heart.... You do not know that I AM the Lord, the source of life you were created to enjoy.
"Fourth, ...the priests of My people turned their backs to Me and worshiped the sun, the reliable source of an immediate experience of warmth (8:16) It is that sort of spirituality that is still sought today... My people in exile exchanged true hope for false hope. You do the same thing every time you turn from Me to enjoy the smug satisfaction of superiority, every time you say in your heart, 'I am not like others, and my sense of being more together than another makes me feel good about myself.'" (66LL)The ugliness, the sin, the idolatry in my heart are named here. My idol of jealousy is in overdrive right now and I haven't even been able to name it because I have felt so entitled to what I think I deserve - to be loved, respected, affirmed. There is a Tammuz in my heart of wanting fulfilling relationships and work and for God to not only provide those but to keep it all intact and running smoothly. And my false hope set on experiencing the warmth of an ordered life, on never disappointing people, and on never feeling disappointed by people.
God, You have spoken directly to my aching heart today. It started as pouring out my hurts and complaints to You and now it's realizing that all of the pain is not because of people or circumstances in my life, but because You are mercifully showing me the "raw evil" in my heart. I'm not fully embracing it, God. I'm still holding on to what I feel You and others owe me. I'm starting to get a glimpse of what's really going on inside me. Thank You for not only seeing the evil of my heart, but for stopping at nothing "to bring in [Your] kingdom, to renew [Your] people, to draw [Your] servants into radical dependence on [You] as their first thing." For now though, I just ache.
2 comments:
Right there with you, my friend.
In so many ways, I thought I was doing okay. "I'm not so bad, really." But wow. I'm overwhelmed by the depth of my depravity. While my idol worship may not look exactly like these Israelites, I see myself in this rebellious people. Crying a lot of repentant tears lately!
This book is going to be a hard read for me, I can already tell.
Yeah, I can't get over how into myself I am. Even if I'm trying to love God and devote myself to pursuing Him and our relationship, or how I try to live a life of love- His love, pouring it out. So easily, I actually see the times when I'm like "nah, I'll just think of me for now". It's so dirty and doesn't make sense.
Which makes me even more in awe of how God has so much wrath against my sins and transgressions but can take them away through His love. How can He love me so? Running back to God after that sould come much more easily you'd think? But it's a wrestle. I know- Satan is in this. Not happy and fighting to get a hold any way possible.
Lord, thanks for Your almighty love and for being just and hating false idols and not being okay with it. Thanks for caring that much. Help me to keep my eyes on You and Your amazing love. Help me to see the brokenness around me and be truly broken- like You are for the lost. Thanks for Your protection and for making me so special. Your grace is overwhelming me today.
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