August 12 - Jeremiah 1-3: An Ongoing Consciousness of Sin

"I'm seeing a collision of two kingdoms: the way You've set up life in this world and the way everyone wants life to be...But You sent Jeremiah to the tell the Jews...that You would actively thwart their self-centered plans and destroy them if they didn't repent...Read My twenty-fourth letter knowing this: no one hears My good news without trivializing its goodness unless they first hear My bad news without softening its badness...Without an ongoing consciousness of sin, any sense of nearness to me is counterfeit." 66 LL

I can't decide if it's a good thing or not that we're starting Jeremiah. As I read these words this morning, I wasn't so sure this was what I wanted to hear. I'm utterly exhausted by all that God is stirring up in me. More than usual, my emotions are wildly fluctuating between sadness, discontent, pain, disappointment, and fear, which often manifest themselves as anger. Yeah, super fun, huh?!? I don't think I can't take much more.

I told Harry last night that I feel like I'm one big raw nerve ending, and I'm tired of it. I hate feeling this way. A huge part of me wants to go back in time to the me that was oblivious to much of my deep-seated, more subtle sin. I totally get why most people stay in that place. It's far more comfortable and much less threatening to my self-image if I can blame others for my problems and avoid looking at myself.

And now I get to read Jeremiah, the troubled prophet - the one who doesn't sugar coat sin, who blurts out the truth about the Israelites and the truth about me. (Such frequent use of the word 'whore' is a little startling, eh?) It's hard to read this book and not have an ongoing consciousness of my sin. I see so much of myself in here.

But my people have traded my Glory for empty god-dreams and silly god-schemes. (2:11)

And why do you think all this has happened? Isn't it because you walked out on your God just as he was beginning to lead you in the right way? (2:17)

"A long time ago you broke out of the harness. You shook off all restraints. You said, 'I will not serve!' and off you went, visiting every sex-and-religion shrine on the way, like a common whore." (2:20)

"How dare you tell me, 'I'm not stained by sin. I've never chased after [idols]'!" (2:23)

"Just as a thief is chagrined, but only when caught, so the people of Israel are chagrined" (2:26)

"All I ever see of them is their backsides. They never look me in the face. But when things go badly, they don't hesitate to come running, calling out, 'Get a move on! Save us!'" (2:27)

"But my people forget me. Day after day after day they never give me a thought." (2:32)

"And yet you have the gall to say, 'I've done nothing wrong. God doesn't mind. He hasn't punished me, has he? Don't look now but judgment's on the way, aimed at you who say, 'I've done nothing wrong.'" (2:35)

"Brazen as whores, you carry on as if you've done nothing wrong. Then you have the nerve to call out, 'My father! You took care of me when I was a child. Why not now? Are you going to keep up your anger nonstop?' That's your line. Meanwhile you keep sinning nonstop." (3:5)

"Just admit your guilt. Admit your God-defiance. Admit to your promiscuous life with casual partners, pulling strangers into the sex-and-religion groves while turning a deaf ear to me.'" (3:12)

"Like a false-hearted woman walking out on her husband, you, the whole family of Israel, have proven false to me." (3:20)

Ouch. Guilty.

Yet as much as the truth hurts, I know in my heart that what Jeremiah is speaking and what I'm going through is God's grace. He's cleaning out wounds in my soul that are festering and poisoning me. As much as I'd like to curl up in the fetal position and yell, "Leave me alone! Quit hurting me!" God's asking me to trust Him.

He's allowing me to deeply experience the bad news about myself without softening or excusing it, probably for the first time in my life, and to keep moving forward in faith. That's huge. And I keep reminding myself that, while it may not feel like it, it's all God's grace to me. And as with Jeremiah, God sees, and He knows:

"Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you" (1:5)

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.  Hebrews 11:1, 6 (NIV)