Planting and watering are menial servant jobs of minimum wages. What makes them worth doing is the God we are serving. (3:8)Harry and I recently went to dinner with some acquaintances who are a few months away from having their first child. As we were sharing stories, the husband asked what I do. When I answered that I'm a stay-at-home mom, his follow-up question was, "Oh, so do you love it?"
Oooooo, that's a hard one for me. The honest answer is "I love my kids more than I ever imagined I could, but this the hardest thing I've ever done. No, I don't love it." And since people usually don't know what to do with that uncomfortable truth, I often get strange looks and/or a quick change of subject.
But despite the challenging nature of the job, I'm also absolutely confident that this is what God has for me now. This is my winepress. Motherhood, this menial servant job of minimum wage, happens to be what God is using to reveal my deep unholiness and to bring me to the end of myself.
"Am I willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine for Him? Am I willing to be of no value to this age or this life except for one purpose and one alone - to be used to disciple men and women {little girls, perhaps??} to the Lord Jesus Christ." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His HighestI've often said that motherhood doesn't play to my strengths. I bristle at being a servant (except on my terms, of course...), and I miss the freedom and adventure of my pre-kid life. Believe me, there are plenty of things about motherhood that I'd LOVE to outsource to others - all discipline, answering incessant questions, fixing meals, mediating the sibling bickering, to name a few - and then I'd only have to engage in the fun and interesting parts of child-rearing.
But worst of all, the 24/7 nature of motherhood puts my sin on full display - selfishness, impatience, anger, pride, self-righteousness, shame, et al. It's all out there, and because I'm almost always with my kids, I have to deal with my sin in the midst of the chaos of life. Frankly, it's emotionally exhausting to constantly be confronted with my own unholiness. There are plenty of days when I wish I was the one leaving for work!
Before marriage and kids, I could usually avoid people or situations that irritated me, so I didn't experience the full bloom of my sin like I do now. I actually thought I was doing pretty well in the sanctification process. HA! I liked being appreciated for what I did, using my gifts for "real" ministry, and having the freedom and flexibility to take on interesting and challenging Kingdom assignments.
At the same time, I absolutely adore my daughters and can't imagine not being their primary caretaker. I love watching them grow and learn about the world around them. They have brought me more joy than I thought was possible. And I'm very grateful that I have a husband who values me for who I am and what I do with our children. He (mostly) understands what a challenge motherhood is for me and why.
But I appreciate Paul's reminder today that what makes this difficult job worth doing whole-heartedly is the God I'm serving. In the heat of the moment, I often forget that. The Lord's given me the assignment of raising my daughters to know, love and serve Him, which makes it the most important use of my time and effort. And as someone told me recently, this assignment of raising my kids is timed, graded, and eternal.
As much as I occasionally pine away for my old life and for all that I'm afraid I might be missing, Scripture tells me something radically different about what's truly important in this life.
Don't fool yourself. Don't think that you can be wise merely by being up-to-date with the times. Be God's fool - that's the path to true wisdom. What the world calls smart, God calls stupid. (3:18-19)Lord, thank You for clearly reminding me of my calling and assignment. You are the one who makes this challenging task one worth doing. May I gladly reject the world's smarts and embrace Your path to true wisdom. I want to be Your fool!
'My life of service to God is the way I say "thank you" to Him for His inexpressibly wonderful salvation." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest
2 comments:
Well said!!! I agree. Lord help me to put my fears and concerns of motherhood at your feet. You know them and love them more than me. Thank you lord that you care about the simple days of rearing up children. Help me today to just enjoy them!!
As a full-time, stay-at-home mom for the past 15 years, I'm observing how it's just as important (maybe more?) that I'm available now while my girls are in their teens. The times when they're ready to talk or when they need me are not predictable and cannot be scheduled! So grateful that I still have the option to be mostly "at home" even though these days it actually means a lot of driving kids to and fro!
Verse 3 of this chapter is incredibly insightful of the church and of me. "As long as you grab for what makes you feel good or makes you look important, are you really much different than a babe at the breast, content only when everything's going your way?"
Great questions for me today: as I pray through and sort out a multitude of tasks and decisions that need to be made, am I grabbing for what makes me feel good? (Some form of financial or relational security or creature comfort?)
Am I looking for what will make me appear important? (A role, a visible ministry, a busy schedule?)
Am I, like a child, frustrated, disappointed, or irritated when things don't go my way? (A delay in my day, an unexpected need I must find a way to meet, or another legitimate desire I'm being asked to lay down for the sake of Christ?)
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