April 4 - Luke 24: It Is Now the Third Day

And we had our hopes up that he was the One, the One about to deliver Israel. And it is now the third day since it happened. (24:21)

These disciples were trying to make sense of the last few days, and they were confused and discouraged by events and unfulfilled expectations. Little did they realize that Jesus was right there with him because they were not able to recognize who he was. (24:16)

When I read this verse, I immediately thought of a passage from My Utmost For His Highest that God has used mightily in me over the years:

"Every fact that the disciples stated was right, but the conclusions they drew from those facts were wrong. Anything that has even a hint of dejection spiritually is always wrong. If I am depressed or burdened, I am to blame, not God or anyone else. Dejection stems from one of two sources - I have either satisfied a lust or I have not had it satisfied. In either case, dejection is the result. Lust means "I must have it at once." Spiritual lust causes me to demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Himself who gives the answer. What have I been hoping or trusting God would do? Is today "the third day" and He has still not done what I expected? Am I therefore justified in being dejecting and in blaming God. Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get ahold of God, not of the answer." Oswald Chambers

That passage is very convicting to me today because I can relate to how the disciples were feeling - confused and discouraged. Honestly, I'm struggling to make sense of our experiences over the last 2+ years.

Sadly, our Rwandan adoption is over. Failed. Done.

We received the news this weekend. Not directly from the Rwandan government, of course, but I'm afraid it's as official as I think we're ever going to get. This whole process continues to be an exercise in ambiguity and frustration, but the adoption agencies are now telling their people that this is truly the end of the road. Game over.

In lots of ways, this adoption has been a faith-building experience, but in weak moments, the dark part of my heart, the "why did you allow this to happen, God?!?" demandingness, starts to invade my thoughts. And I look at the facts of our adoption journey and draw wrong conclusions, missing Jesus right there with me in the joy and the pain of it all. Instead, in my grief and sin, I focus on the expectations that He hasn't met, lamenting that it's "the third day" and He hasn't done what we've asked.

Father, forgive my unbelief. Help me to trust You even in the pain. Thank You that Your Word is truth and brings light into my darkness. Thank You for bringing these passages to mind today, reminding me of what is true and right, reminding me of the point of all this - getting ahold of You, not answers to my prayers.