December 19 - Hebrews 7-10: Once For All

I'm not usually the self-condemnation type person (my husband has that area covered...), but I feel like I've been living under a black cloud lately. I've been feeling like I can't do anything right, that nothing I do is helpful or encouraging or even remotely pleasing to God.

All is can see is my sin spilling out all over the place. I'm angry for no apparent reason, and I stomp around my house in an irritable mood. It's ugly. It's humbling. And it certainly doesn't feel good, for me or for anyone else around here.

My family gets the brunt of it, and I'm sure I'm confusing them as much as I'm confused myself. "Mommy, you're getting mad again." Ugh. No doubt, my friends can tell that my mood has been off, and in some ways, I feel like hibernating and avoiding human contact. Not a great place to be.

Thankfully, God opened my eyes as I read through Hebrews and showed me where I've deviated from the truth. Eugene Peterson puts it well:

"But religion - the well-intentioned efforts we make to "get it all together" for God - can very well get in the way of what God is doing for us.  The main and central action is everywhere and always what God has done, is doing, and will do for us. Jesus is the revelation of that action...[But] along the way...we add on, we supplement, we embellish...instead of improving on the purity and simplicity of Jesus, we dilute the purity, clutter the simplicity. We become fussily religious, or anxiously religious. We get in the way." Introduction to Hebrews

Along the way, I have made this all about me, not about God. I've become anxiously religious, feeling terrible that I can't get my act together, that I can't seem to keep my anger under control. Yeah, there are a couple of stress-inducing things going on - namely, the looming adoption deadline and the broken relationship with a family member - but I should be able to handle it better than I am. I should be a better Christian than this, right??

On some level, I've been feeling like God is very disappointed in me - and rightfully so. I'm being tested with these (comparatively easy) trials, and I'm failing miserably. I'm disappointed in my angry responses and my inability to manage my emotions.

As I've worked through this unexplainable black cloud I'm experiencing, I realize that I've forgotten the gospel - Jesus has done it all! - and I'm wearing myself out trying to do better and be better and have the right responses in difficult situations. An impossible task.

And then Hebrews reminded me of some very important truths:

But Jesus' priesthood is permanent. He's there from now to eternity to save everyone who comes to God through him, always on the job to speak up for them. (7:23-24)

Christ's death was also a one-time event, but it was a sacrifice that took care of sins forever. And so, when he next appears, the outcome for those eager to greet him is, precisely, salvation. (9:27-28)

[He] set aside the first in order to enact the new plan - God's way - by which we are made fit for God by the once-for-all sacrifice of Jesus...As a priest, Christ made a single sacrifice for sins, and that was it!...It was a perfect sacrifice by a perfect person to perfect some very imperfect people. By that single offering, he did everything that needed to be done for everyone who takes part in the purifying process....He concludes, I'll forever wipe the slate clean of their sins. Once sins are taken care of for good, there's no longer any need to offer sacrifices for them. (10:10, 12-18)

"Jesus did away with sacrifices once for all. By his crucifixion he broke down the separation between God and humankind. He took away all cause for hostility on either side...What it means for us is that we can now receive and give in relation to God without hesitation, without negotiation, without caution, without reserve. The way is clear." Eugene Peterson, Conversations, pg. 1901

I have confessed my sins to God. A lot. And God's Word tells me that, because of Jesus' once-for-all sacrifice, I am forgiven. I don't need to sacrifice anything else in order to be acceptable to my Savior. It's about what God has done, is doing, and will do for me. I don't need to carry around this false guilt and shame for my terrifically poor performance. I need to keep giving it to the Lord and depending on Him moment by moment.

God isn't disappointed in me. He isn't ashamed of me. He's growing me in maturity, and despite my immaturity, I still have the righteousness of Christ. I can rest in that truth and His faithfulness to me.

So let's do it - full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. (10:22-23)