But, He knows my heart. The mixture of unholy anger that wants revenge and holy anger "of the soul rousing itself to curb sin" (66LL). The mingling of lust for temporary pleasure from outside of my relationship with Him and the "sheer delight of knowing Him in a relationship to true love" (66LL). The jumbled desire to see enemies' put in their place and the prayer for "a love that cannot give them up" (66LL). The alternating moments of wailing on my bed "requiring relief from my pain" (66LL) and the moments of "true repentance of real sin [that lets me] experience the real joy of true love" (66LL). Yes, I'm a jumbled up mess.
God's response to His jumbled up people,
O Israel, come back! Return to your God! You're down but you're not out. Prepare your confession and come back to God. Pray to him, "Take away our sin, accept our confession. Receive as restitution our repentance prayers.... We'll never again say 'our god' to something we've made or made up. You're our last hope...."
'I will heal...I will love...I will make a fresh start....Everything you need is to be found in me.' (14:1-3, 4-8)
"...remember this: in the exact center of My infinite being, beneath all the hurt you cause me and all the anger I feel toward you lies an ocean of infinite love. I invite you to come for a swim. Every word I say is part of that invitation." (66LL)
2 comments:
I had to pull out for a bit as I just started teaching high school full-time again and it's busy. One of my classes is Essay Writing for Scholarships and I had to create the curriculum/lesson plans for the semester so I've been swamped. I'm back.
God so calls to me from Hosea and I cannot wait to meet this guy in heaven. I think about this book so much! Hosea 12:6 - Wait for God and expect Him to do much. I fall into thinking I'm waiting on someone to "change" or "perform" a certain way. Am I more concerned about creating a strategy for good living than I am in finding Joy and Hope in the little suffering I am in?
Have missed you all so! Looking forward to jumping back in and hearing your beautiful hearts that stir me so!
Take away our sin. Come back to God. Accept our confession.
I'm reminded today that coming back to God doesn't mean I just fail over and over again. And that its not just a cycle of running away from God and running back to God, away again to the same things and running back.
I'm reminded and encouraged that He has forgiven me and my confessing and repenting is the next step to growing in my faith and growing closer to Him. I need to remember that. That He's in work in us because I can't bear to continue to think we're always the same offenders who cause the same pain.
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