"When the Israelites got tired of living by faith, they went 250 miles southwest to Egypt, where everything was clear and precise. It wasn't the first time they'd done this. The Egyptian alternative to faith asserted itself over and over again in their lives. And so it wasn't without precedent that the Israelites, in the chaos following the fall of Jerusalem, would succumb to this age-old attraction.
Nothing is more difficult than living by faith - living spontaneously, living hopefully, living virtuously. And there was never a time less conducive to living by faith than during those bewildering days following the Babylonian invasion.
It was easier to go to Egypt, where there were no uncertainties, no ambiguities, and no loose ends. It's always easier to go to Egypt, just as it's always easier to live by sight than by faith, where everything is certain and clear and all the loose ends have been tied up." Eugene Peterson, Conversations, pg. 1227I can only imagine how difficult it was for the Israelites. I have a hard enough time living by faith in this time of peace and prosperity. It's so easy for me to judge their lack of faith, but I confess that I have my own Egyptian alternative. When times get tough, I quickly fall back into self-reliance and doing what seems right in my own eyes.
There are countless ways that I'm tempted to live by sight rather than by faith. Many of my recent examples have been related to the adoption.
I want to "help" the process along by asking others to intervene for us. I want to shade the truth so that we'll get what we want. I want to have another biological child just in case this adoption didn't go through. (Ishmael, anyone?!?) I whine, worry, and throw internal temper tantrums when things don't go our way. Too often, it has felt too risky and vulnerable to entrust myself to the God who called us to adopt in the first place, and I've been afraid that I might have my heart broken in two if I didn't take matters into my own hands.
It's rather sobering to read this story about people who were legitimately scared for their own safety and who made seemingly good decisions for their well-being. On the surface, that's what I tell myself that I'm doing - just trying to make good decisions. But I need to remember that a "good decision" is one that's not in defiance of the Lord.
They entered the land of Egypt in total disobedience of God's Message (43:7)For the Israelites, the consequences of disobedience were very costly.
"All the Judeans in Egypt will die off by massacre or starvation until they're wiped out." (44:27)I may not die of starvation or be massacred, but my deliberate disobedience, regardless of my reason, means that I'm out of fellowship with the Lord. And that's a high price I don't want to pay.
If we claim that we experience a shared life with [Christ] and continue to stumble around in the dark, we're obviously lying through our teeth - we're not living what we claim. (1 John 1:6)Instead of stumbling around in the dark, I repeatedly ask God to give me the faith to trust Him, especially when nothing is certain. In spite of my fear and doubt, I continually pray that He will give me the courage to obey Him, knowing that He is good, He is faithful, and He knows the beginning from the end. Instead of focusing on the fear, I try to re-focus on God's character.
I feel like I'm learning this lesson the hard way through this adoption. When we began the process eighteen months ago, I never could have guessed the twists and turns it would take, and I'm not sure I would have signed up for the ride. It's been heart-wrenching and stomach-churning. More than anything though, I'm learning through experience how much God cares for me and how much I can trust Him to lead me, especially when I can't see the end of the road. That's been priceless.
And I'm slowly learning that I don't need to go to Egypt anymore because my God is right here with me, teaching me to live freely, hopefully, and faithfully in His Grander Story.
What about you? What's your Egyptian alternative? What are some practical things that help you to live by faith rather than by sight?
3 comments:
At this moment, my "Egypt" is a huge desire to control my environment. If I can get my home in order, get my schedule set, get the umpteen thousand school papers signed and on the calendar, get my kids where they're supposed to be and when - then I'll have the sense of well-being that I'm craving.
I know that this desire to get everything in order hits me each new school year, yet somehow I'm surprised by my sin! In God's mercy, I can't control much of any of it and I'm thrust back into Him.
Oh, Staci...I completely understand! I realized how much I was trying to control the chaos of this time of year through organization when things broke down yesterday morning- the first day of school. I was furious with Ashton for losing her only brand new chapel shirt, and telling me about it 10 minutes before we had to leave. My frustration was much more about my desire for order and feeling like I had done my job well as a mom...what my children will remember was my "great displeasure" about the shirt, not my desire to please God and trust in Him alone to provide all we needed for the day, to remember that trusting Him, and giving Him the space to provide for us miraculously could give Him the most glory. I missed such a great opportunity...well, at least they got to see, once again, the lesson on what repentance looks like in the life of their mom...
My "Egyptian alternative" right now is wishing/desiring my ideal living situation, social life, and just comfort. I find myself in my own little world often demanding of God an easier situation and battlefield. But after these thoughts, I just feel so ugly and dirty. Like my heart needs cleansing because I am NOT hoping in Him and finding my everything in Him, following in faith.
Why, oh why am I surprised?
I agree. Nothing is more difficult than living by faith. But as I settle in a brand new chapter, place and make new friends, I realize I want to want to be living by faith in the uncomfortable, stepping one step at a time where I can't see what's coming. I pray that God will continue to cleanse my heart and this ugly selfish feeling would go away as I consider the cross. How could I be so focused on myself over and over again?
Jesus, thank you for dying for me. Help me to live a life of love as you show us. Fill me with Your spirit so that I can overflow and be thankful in the midst of seeing my sin overflow. Help us to walk this narrow road and follow hard after You- to turn back over and over to You. Your love is amazing :)
p.s. Cici- praying for this adoption. i desire so much one day to adopt, i hope. you are an encouragement to me. He's got all of you :)
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