Wait passionately for God, don't leave the path. He'll give you your place in the sun while you watch the wicked lose it. (37:34)
What I do, God, is wait for you, wait for my Lord, my God - you will answer! (38:15)
What am I doing in the meantime, Lord? Hoping, that's what I'm doing - hoping you'll save me from a rebel life, save me from the contempt of dunces. I'll say no more, I'll shut my mouth, since you, Lord, are behind all this. But I can't take it much longer. (39:7-10)David wrote these psalms when he was in trouble. Psalm 38 is usually associated with his repentance after his sin with Bathsheba. The others were probably written when Absalom rebelled against David and threatened his kingdom.
And almost 3000 years later, these psalms speak to me in the midst of my own concerns and doubts. Granted, I don't have David's problems - getting caught in the sin of adultery or a son who's rebelled against me in a very public way. In many ways, I feel like my problems - and the things that bother me - are petty and silly, especially compared to what others are dealing with. But this is where God has me, and these are the circumstances that God is using to conform me to the image of His Son.
And in these trials, I have to constantly remind myself to wait on the Lord, to not take matters into my own hands. He will answer! We have some decisions that need to be made, and I hate the ambiguity of delayed decision-making. I just want to know the right answer, to decide, and to move on down the road. I hate the waiting, and I feel like I can't take waiting much longer.
But Scripture tells me to wait for God, specifically to wait passionately for God. What in the world is that?? It seems like an oxymoron. Wait passionately? I'm passionate about a number of things, but waiting isn't one of them.
A look in the dictionary helped. "Passionate" is defined as "having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling." Ahhh. The verse is telling me how to wait - with strong feelings and emotions. Not a problem - I already have strong emotions around the things I'm waiting on God for - adoption news, strained family relationships, decisions about our future.
The verse also tells me to not leave the path. Don't take matters into my own hands, even when it's so tempting because I can seemingly get what I want.
Lots to think and pray about today as I repent of my demandingness of God and of my internal temper tantrums when things don't happen in my timing. God, I am no longer smug in my sin. (38:18)
And I take comfort knowing that my God sees me, hears me, and forgives me. He knows the desires of my heart. (37:4)
Yet in [God's] largeness nothing gets lost; Not a man, not a mouse slips through the cracks. (36:6)
1 comment:
Cici, may I just say that looking into the story of your life and what you have faced over the years is very large. For God to rescue you later down your road, for you to embrace in love the relationships He has brought your way, for you to passionately wait not knowing your future...well, your story is large and what you have endured through betrayal and loss and abuse and dismissal is very real. And it is His Beauty that so pours out of you, Psalm 50:2. In God's Largeness, nothing is lost. Loved what you said. Praying for you and our friend Staci sacrificing across the pond this morning that you both wait passionately, whatever that means. You will.
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