December 19 - Revelation 15: Breathtaking Disappointment

I saw—it took my breath away!—the Lamb....  I looked up, I caught my breath!—a white cloud and one like the Son of Man sitting on it.... I saw another Sign in Heaven, huge and breathtaking... (14:1, 14; 15:1)

There is little in this life that takes my breath away anymore.  (Although there are many experiences that feel like a punch in the gut.)  While reading these past two chapters, I've found my soul whispering to God, "take my breath away," longing for the kind of awe that elicits a physical response, a gasp, a sensation of being overwhelmed.  For me, this is mostly experienced in lovemaking, in listening to my children's musical performances, in observing natural beauty when traveling.  But mostly, life is lived in the simple act of breathing in the disappointments, dissatisfaction, and emptiness.

John's breath is taken away by what is to come - not by what is present.  He glimpsed the unspeakable, indescribable, overpowering experience of Christ's return,

I saw something like a sea made of glass, the glass all shot through with fire. Carrying harps of God, triumphant over the Beast, its image, and the number of its name, the saved ones stood on the sea of glass. They sang the Song of Moses, servant of God; they sang the Song of the Lamb:

Mighty your acts and marvelous,
    O God, the Sovereign-Strong!
Righteous your ways and true,
    King of the nations!
Who can fail to fear you, God,
    give glory to your Name?
Because you and you only are holy,
    all nations will come and worship you,
    because they see your judgments are right. (15:2-4)

Today these words create hope that is not satisfied, anticipation that is unfulfilled.  At least for now.   What do I do with that?  There have been times when I've inwardly responded with anger - blaming those near me for not meeting my expectations, needs, and desires for something meaningful or for validation.  Other times I've headed into despair, unable to recount anything beautiful or valuable said or done for me.  Lately, God is taking me to a new place in this disappointment, a place of emptiness...and He's asked me to sit here and let it creep deep into into my soul.  It can be a terrifying, lonely place.

My hope is in the fact that the Sovereign-Strong is with me in my emptiness, "an invasive God, lavish in bestowing himself wherever he finds space"  (St. John of the Cross), until the time of His return when He will flood the earth with His presence and take our breath away.