Harry and I recently met with some acquaintances, and as the evening wore on, I struggled with what I thought was my husband's, ahem, "over-sharing." Frankly, I was very annoyed and wanted him to just stop verbally processing our life in front of these virtual strangers. After six years of marriage, I should be quite used to this endearing trait in my man, but in this case, I wasn't. It seriously aggravated me and put me on edge.
Even in the moment, I was aware that his over-sharing hit a nerve in me because of how it made me look. I mean, I don't really know these people, and they don't know me. I felt very vulnerable precisely because I couldn't manage how they were perceiving me or us. And no big surprise, I handled my emotions poorly. (Insert wide-eyed stares and eye-rolls in Harry's direction.) After our guests left, I was convicted to ask Harry's forgiveness for my sinfully immature and unkind behavior.
So you can imagine that this quote from Larry Crabb jumped out at me:
"Reading Acts is opening my eyes to see how phony we've become and how unaware we are of our phoniness. We've become a community of pretenders who've made such a habit of presenting ourselves to each other as more spiritually alive than we are that we actually believe our own posturing." 66 LLUgh. That's me. I was more worried about my image in front of others than if I was relating well to my husband. I was far more concerned with my reputation than with God's sanctifying work in me. I was focused on the temporal to the detriment of the eternal.
My response stands in stark contrast to what I see in the disciples' selection of Judas' replacement. They knew what was important. Their focus was on the eternal.
The replacement must come from the company of men who stayed together with us from the time Jesus was baptized by John up to the day of his ascension, designated along with us as a witness to his resurrection. (1:21-22)As I read this, I was convicted again by how much I had missed the point.
"The fact that Peter put it just this way is significant because it shows that the primary thing in his mind was not any particular work, or teaching, or organization, or administration. As far as he was concerned, the disciples' whole reason for being was to be witnesses to Christ's resurrection; that is, attesting to the fact from their own experience that God is good, powerful, and gracious. This was to be the cornerstone of their existence..." Eugene Peterson, Conversations, pg. 1682Lord, I pray You'll continue Your work in me. Change my heart. Empower me by Your Spirit to be an effective witness to Your resurrection. May my every word and deed attest to Your goodness, power, and grace.
1 comment:
hee hee. I couldn't help but giggle when I read your post, Cici. I AM HARRY! And Jim is YOU. Often times, on the drive home from a couples' dinner, I get a lecture about what I inappropriately shared with our guests. But just so you know, there can be sin on both sides. For me, I often say things without thinking of consequences, mainly to get a laugh or a reaction from people. Often times, it can be a hurtful comment that is not edifying and therefore, not worthwhile to share. So it can go both ways.
Can you imagine being one of the disciples? Having the opportunity to know him since the baptism by John through his resurrection. Wow. That just seems awesome. Yet they, even like us, still struggled with getting Who He was at times.
Paul still had a thorn in his side. Peter dealt with leaning towards legalism. A few of them split up on missionary journeys because they couldn't get along.
We are a broken group of people trying to love and follow Jesus in a sin-filled world.
Lord Jesus, thank you for the picture of the disciples, who knew and walked with You, yet still messed up. I pray that I would see to know and walk with You daily, despite my struggles and sin-filled tendencies.
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