When I started to write this post, my frustration at waiting was mainly directed at the adoption. The outcome is still very uncertain, which is hard to live with. Our match deadline is less than a month away, and we don't know what will happen after that date.
And then an unexpected email arrived this morning that exposed my frustration in waiting for - or demanding? - reconciliation with an unpredictable family member. It's abundantly clear that God is the only one who can transform this challenging relationship.
In reality, both of these situations are totally out of my control. I can't fix them; I can only choose how I will respond to the uncertainty and pain. Will that response come from my flesh, or will I yield to God's Spirit within me?
In this book, Paul wrote to encourage the Thessalonians in their waiting. He commended their patience of hope in following our Master, Jesus Christ (1:3) and told of people in the region who marvel at how expectantly you await the arrival of the his Son (1:10). And he praised them over and over for the faith they displayed in difficult circumstances, in the waiting for Jesus to return. These baby Christians seemed to wait patiently in hope; why am I having such a hard time?
Thankfully, Eugene Peterson had a timely word for me on this subject:
"Waiting is an activity with impressive documentation throughout Scripture, yet it's astonishingly ignored in most constructs of how to live the Christian life. Waiting isn't a passive occupation but an active and hopeful orientation toward the activity of God for which there's no present evidence. Paul never counseled passivity or quietism. He did, however, commend the hopeful waiting that expects Christ to save the day - not only at the Second Coming but in all the daily comings where he shows up in our lives, offering salvation from one kind of doom or another, whether a doomed marriage or a doomed business or simply a doomed attitude." Conversations, pg. 1858It helps me to put my waiting into perspective, to see that God is working, despite what I see, and to learn to trust Him more and more. I so desire to have that active and hopeful orientation toward the activity of God as I see no present evidence of it. Will I accept this waiting as a gift from God, or will I fight against it, irritated and bothered by this imposition?
"Only in unplanned, unarranged, unwelcomed, unmanageable, and thoroughly unenjoyable dark nights will My plan for your maturity unfold..."You will be graced with the disaster your soul requires to find its way home"...
You are in a good place. You're losing confidence in your own resources for steering your way through life. That loss of confidence, that dying to self, what you feel as frustration, is opening your ears to hear what I'm saying in this fifty-second love letter. It is this:
Your frustration with everything else, including yourself, makes it possible to turn in deeper dependence to Me. Your weariness requires the strength of supernatural love to continue serving Me. Your haunting sense of futility shuts you up to a kind of endurance that can be sustained only with hope in My Son's return." 66 LLLord, I can't help but wonder if these two situations are my disasters - at least my current ones. I pray You'll give me the grace to not lose hope in waiting for your coming and to not demand my way in these trials. My soul is weary of the constant battle. Thank You for the encouragement for me today in this ancient love letter to Your servants in Thessalonica. Thank You for knowing exactly what I need to hear, when I need it.
3 comments:
Wow, Cici, thanks for this meditation on waiting patiently, actively. Powerful, challenging stuff.
I was amazed by 1 Thess 2:6-8, in which Paul talks about his genuine love for the people.
Several situations have arisen in the last two months which seem to have at their root a lack of LOVE. I think of some relationships at work that feel strained and tense. For months I've chalked it up to those people and either their maturity or social skills or life crisis. But perhaps it was a failure to love (failure to want to care) on my part.
...We weren't aloof with you. We took you as you were. We were never patronizing, never condescending, but we cared for you the way a mother cares for her children. We loved you dearly... 1 Thess 2.6-8
What precious words Sarah from a very good place in your heart. So touching---it's really about loving God and others for all of us, isn't it?
The St. John of the Cross quote you alluded to is one that means so much to me! We want so badly to figure things out. I'm kind of between a rock and a hard place in my life, maybe not as heartwrenching as yours, but still it's real to me. I've been reading Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. Tonight I read: "Christ has given scarecely any ethical prescriptions...Christianity is not about a better set of behavioral rules or moral accomplishment...in fact, moral performance is the very enemy of Christ because it represents the idea that we can reach God through our moral efforts." Even moral efforts of waiting. You've got "it" Cici, that Deeper Dependence on our Sovereign God.
So enjoyed your post on hope, Cici, and yours on love, Sarah. I was challenged by the words of Paul to the Thessalonicans - there is such depth of love and concern for them. It makes me wonder...do I love my family, friends and community that way? Do I pray away, night and day, for them? This passage especially challenged me:
"What would be an adequate thanksgiving to offer God for all the joy we experience before him because of you? We do what we can, praying away, night and day, asking for the bonus of seeing your faces again and doing what we can to help when your faith falters. May God our Father himself and our Master Jesus clear the road to you! And may the Master pour on the love so it fills your lives and splashes over on everyone around you, just as it does from us to you. May you be infused with strength and purity, filled with confidence in the presence of God our Father when our Master Jesus arrives with all his followers. (1 Thessalonians 3:9-13 MSG)
I pray also that the Master's love would pour over me and "splash over on everyone around" me!
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