September 5 - Ezekiel 21-22: Testing Comes

Ezekiel has been a challenge for me so far. I must be more of a glass half-full kind of girl because all this gloom and doom is rather depressing to me. But I know it's good for me to wrestle with, primarily because it's God's Word.

Something God said through Ezekiel jumped out at me today, especially in my present circumstances.

"Testing comes. Why have you despised discipline? You can't get around it." Decree of God, the Master. (21:13)

It's been a hard weekend. We're out in the country at a friend's place, and frankly, nothing is going my way. No Internet except on my phone.(Please excuse any typos.) A feverish, clingy child who just wants Mommy to hold her.

In my selfishness, I thought this weekend was going to be a vacation for me too. Not so much. There's still cooking, cleaning, and disciplining to do, along with keeping kids occupied in a new environment. I wish I could say I've handled it well, but I haven't. I've been pissy toward my husband, annoyed by my kids, and resentful that everyone else gets to do what they want. I just want to be left alone for awhile and do my own thing.

It seems like this whole year God has been confronting me with my selfishness, and this weekend is no exception. He is testing me once again and showing me what's in my heart. I feel like such a failure. I really wonder if I'll ever change, if I'll ever overcome this sin pattern. My selfishness runs frighteningly deep.

But I keep reminding myself that this is part of the growth process. Much of this does not feel pleasant or encouraging. Thankfully, it's not about me behaving perfectly; I will never be able to. It's about me drawing nearer to Jesus in my failure and weakness and allowing Him to live His life through me. In my flesh though, I'd rather be perfect and not need to be forgiven.

"Faith must be tested because it can only become your intimate possession through conflict. What is challenging your faith right now?...The ultimate thing is confidence in Jesus...Believe steadfastly on Him and everything that challenges you will strengthen your faith. There is continual testing in the life of faith up to the point of our physical death, which is the last great test. Faith is absolue trust in God - trust that could never imagine that He would ever forsake us (see Hebrews 13:5-6)" Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Lord, thank You for showing me the truth about myself, for reminding me how much I need a Savior. I don't want to be like the Israelites we're reading about, who ignored what You said and brazenly continued in their sin. As painful as it is, I thank You for testing my faith.