God, are you avoiding me? Where are you when I need you? (10:1)
Quick, God, I need your helping hand! (12:1)
Long enough, God - you're ignored me long enough. (13:1)My emotions have been all over the place as we received some potentially devastating news related to our adoption. Things are very uncertain, and I don't know how to process what I'm hearing. I have no idea how things will turn out, and for the first time. I actually see a possibility that we could end this long journey without a child in our family. It's mind-boggling to me.
And then I sat down to read the psalms, and God seemed to speak directly to my circumstances:
You won't let them down: orphans won't be orphans forever. (10:14)
Orphans get parents (10:17)Seriously?? Is that your message for me today, God - about orphans?? I'm so confused. At this point, I don't know what to think or how to begin to process things.
While there's still plenty that I don't know, these psalms confirmed what I do know in my circumstances:
God's a safe-house for the battered, a sanctuary during bad times. (9:9)
[God] keeps his eye on us, registers every whimper and moan. (9:12)
God's grace and order wins; godlessness loses. (10:16)
God's business is putting things right. (11:7)
God's words are pure words. (12:6)
God sticks his head out of heaven. He looks around. He's looking for someone not stupid - one man, even, God-expectant, just one God-ready woman. (14:2)
God turns life around. (14:7)
Without you, nothing makes sense. (16:2)And oddly enough, as I read today and as I tried to absorb the heartbreaking news, my soul was comforted, and my perspective was altered by this encounter with God through the psalms. God assured me of His Presence and His sovereignty in the midst of the unknown. He sees our plight. He knows our daughter's plight. We are not alone or unnoticed. In fact, He's the only One who can make sense of any of this. And I was reminded that He is Incredible. Wonderful. Holy. (Genesis 28:16)
A note by Peterson on Psalm 13 helped me understand what I experienced:
"Sometimes in the midst of a terrible lament, praise erupts. In Psalm 13, for instance...The prayer is pure lament. There's no evidence in the prayer that even one of the psalmist's questions is answered; there's no sign that even a first installment is made on granting his petitions. There's no hint that the desperate conditions change into anything less desperate. But abruptly and unaccountably, the lament metamorphoses into praise.
If we pray our lament long enough and honestly enough, sometimes when we least expect it, something beautiful happens. The dark clouds part, and through the parting, we catch a glimpse of the sun. When that happens, as it did with the psalmist, it's hard to contain the joy we feel." Conversations, pg. 785That's it! In the midst of my dark clouds, I caught a glimpse of the sun. It was a gift from the Lord. I'm so grateful for His grace and His Word.
3 comments:
Cici, you are so right...beauty comes from ashes. The adoption uncertainty is very confusing. You are doing a beautiful thing as you continue to seek God for Himself, not for His gifts.
I love you, Cici!
I love you, Staci!
Psalm 11:4 God hasn't moved to the mountains. He's still in charge, taking everything in. It means something to me that the circumstances of the psalmist are not what makes him cry out in praise. It's his heart for the God Who is in control of it all. And he cries out in praise to his Good God, no matter what. Very exciting to think about praising God if our $8,000 ER hospital bill from last weekend was paid in full. But no, can I praise Him in the midst when more debt has been added to what was already in a deficit. Why do I praise Him? Is it for His Hand doling out or do I praise Him for Who He is, the Author of it all. Your words are beautiful to me, Cici. You get "it" whatever "it" is. You draw me to His Face.
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