I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand - from my own eyes and ears! I'm sorry - forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise! I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumors. (42:5-6)When I first became a Christian, I remember meeting a young woman at church who was clearly different from the rest of us in the singles group. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time; I just knew there was something about her.
Years later, after I had grown in my own relationship with Christ and learned about the work of the Spirit in our lives, this woman came to mind one day, and I realized that she was different because she was yielded to the Holy Spirit in a way the rest of us weren't. It was obvious that she had firsthand knowledge of the Lord. And at that point in my walk, out of ignorance, I was living on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumors about the Lord, doing what I thought I should be doing. I hadn't yet encountered Him deeply.
Even now, I can tell when my own walk with the Lord becomes stale and rote. I may be going through the outward motions of praying and reading my Bible, but God seems more distant. My quiet time becomes one more box that I check off my to-do list.
In these times, if I actually talk to people about God working in my life, my personal examples aren't current ones. I dredge up memories from times when God seemed very real, present, and active. And I complain a lot more about what's not going according to my plan. That's one of my clues that my walk with the Lord is off-track, when life becomes more about the things I do or what He needs to do for me. The vitality of the relationship is gone.
I've learned too that it's easier to rant against God and to miss His heart when He seems distant from me. I've noticed that Job's complaints seemed to pick up steam in the past few chapters. Yet when God showed up, speaking personally to Job, Job's response was:
"I'm speechless, in awe - words fail me. I should never have opened my mouth! I've talked too much, way too much. I'm ready to shut up and listen." (40-3-5)Similarly, when I decide to take my eyes off of myself and to focus on the Lord, it's amazing how all of my complaints disappear too. I'm ready to shut up and listen. Even without fixing my circumstances, God has a way of putting my concerns into His perspective, of calming my fears, of giving me the power to trust Him in the midst of uncertainty.
"Job saw evidence for God in the world around him, in the natural creation and in religious traditions, but he wanted something more. Job is an example that the something more he was looking for isn't to be found in another book, another counselor, another sermon, another speech. In short, what Job was looking for is to be found not in an answer, but in God.
Answers have their place, but when the chips are down, when trouble comes, when doubt gnaws, when anxiety threatens, then only God himself will do...Job got no answer to his questions. He got no explanation for his sufferings. He disregarded the vaunted wisdom of his friends. Though Job didn't get what he wanted, he did get what he needed - he got God. Job began to live in personal response to the God who reveals - no secondhand religion but rather firsthand experience." Eugene Peterson, Conversations, pg. 771.And so I'm finishing the book of Job with more hope and understanding, thankfully. I realize that I began the book looking for answers, and instead I'm coming away with a deeper relationship with my Lord.
"Although God may not appear to us in a vision, he makes himself know to us in all the many ways that he describes to Job - form the macro to the micro, from the wonders of the galaxies to the little things we take for granted. He is the Creator of the unfathomable universe all around us - and he is also the Creator of the universe inside of us. And so we gain hope - not from the darkness of our suffering, not from pat answers in books, but from the God who sees our suffering and shares our pain." Eugene Peterson, Intro to JobI pray that I won't settle again for crusts of hearsay or crumbs of rumors of God but by personal response to the God who reveals Himself to me.
2 comments:
I know it's a little odd, but I really hate to leave the book of Job. My Eeyore self finds great comfort in Job's words and in God's response.
Here's another quote by George MacDonald that I had to share as we close Job:
"Job had his desire: he saw the face of God - and abhorred himself in dust and ashes. He sought justification; he found self-abhorrence.... Two things are clearly contained in, and manifest from, this poem: -- that not every man deserves for his sins to be punished everlastingly from the presence of the Lord; and that the best of men, when he sees the face of God, will know himself vile.
Reading the Book of Job where I am this day means so much. To hear of a man who endured immense suffering and never walked out on God though he wrestled with it. And to read the last chapters of God's blessings are incredible. So encouraging even though God may write the end of our story different. He is to be trusted and will give Rest. "When you stand before Me in mystery, you will eventually rest within Me in trust." 66LL So touched by this man's immense suffering and the last word that he finally sees God not just hears about Him. Oh that I may find Him like that.
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