The story of Abimelech is a 3 year interlude of mayhem. Outside of the cycle of Judges, Abimelech comes on to the scene with murder and exits with fire and a millstone on the head. He wasn't a judge that God set up, he was a king appointed by self and the treacherous leaders of Shechem. The people of Israel seem almost ancillary to this scene in the story. They are living in misery, but they are not the main focus of these chapters.
As I read this story, I didn't identify with Abimelech as much as I did with the Israelites. I feel as though I'm ancillary to what God's doing, living in the misery wake of others' sin. Believing that I don't deserve my less-than-ideal circumstances, wanting to blame others for my discomfort, focusing on how to make life pleasant again.
"As long as your terror of misery (which is not sinful) drives you above all else to secure the blessings of life for yourself (which is sinful), you'll remain unrepentant, distant from Me, and incapable of love. And no arrangement of bad times or good will change you, any more than it changed My people in Judges." [66LL, Crabb]
Oh, that's very targeted toward me. I'm not on the sidelines of wanting relief from misery. I'm right in the middle of that game. So much of my time and energy focused on escape from feelings of discomfort, unpleasantness, mourning, pain. In fact, if I pay attention to my thoughts and heart, they are often wrapped around how to secure a sense of well-being (spiritualized as peace); or how to make my life count (spiritualized as successful ministry). Apparently seeking relief (even when wrapped in "spiritual talk") isn't what pleases God - it's what keeps me unrepentant, distant and incapable of love.
"Keep your attention focused on My Son. Because of Him, you now can love Me rather than demanding to use Me; you can trust My love even when life is unspeakably hard...
God, I guess I do have something in common with the people whose stories you tell in Judges. I really do want to use You to get the life I want...You've got to get in me and pour Your life into mine so that Your motives, the way You love, reach deeper inside me than my sometimes well-disguised motivation to use You. Am I hearing You, God?" [66LL]
3 comments:
Gosh, this "Love Letter" has definitely been the toughest one for me to read so far. Ugh.
I am becoming more aware of the depths of my sin - I realize that so often I focus on the outward effects of my sin (Cici, you know I can relate to your under the breath cussing habits...or not even always under the breath - yikes!)...but how often do I really seek to look at the deeper issues of anger, blame, and selfishness that are there.
I am realizing how much I am like the Israelites - wanting the comfortable life, with no pain, full of provision and peace and happiness. When hard things come, I act like a spoiled brat!
In light of an especially hard week (can anyone relate to hating Spring Break as a mom? I used to love it, but I've learned that now it means no Mother's Day Out, no women's Bible study, lots of over-crowded parks, and NO down time from my active little toddler. Which equals = pissy emotional momma that is seeing LOTS of her sin!)
So basically, Judges is convicting me left and right. Thank goodness God doesn't leave us here!
Abimelek, Abimelek, what craziness here. When He is appointed King, not by God though but by people, I am reminded that I often appoint Kings in my life or the worshipping of other things. Or often, even appoint myself in control and do not yield that, lay down control and my sin and everything that I am- to God.
As I see that, I pray more and more to God to just help me to love Him. And to love others. It's humbling to know that I can't ever even do this truly on my own. We need Him for everything! To cleanse us- to bring us to Him- to love, everything. I pray that as He helps me to open my heart to Him and desire Him, that He would help me to focus on His Son, the cross, the Gospel and the free gift of grace and a real true intimate relationship with God again. Thankful today to be walking with Jesus, on our journey together of love.
Oh whoa, this was so for me today as I awakened to terror of misery through a phone call from my doctor that flooded me with wanting to re-arrange my circumstances. I so want to find my Hope in Him and His Unfailing Love not unfailing test results. Staci, in my terror this morning, something you write a few weeks ago popped right into my mind and gave me Strength like I Sam 23:16. Thank you both so much for doing this every day. Your words draw me to Him!
Post a Comment